For years I always wondered why was it that I was constantly worrying about everything. I would over analyze and over think everything. When someone said something to me I would look into it way more than I should and try to assume what I think they really meant. I was never truly happy and some days I felt broken. One day I got really sick and was not sure what was causing the sickness. I had severe nausea that won’t go away and headaches that came and go as they please. I went to various doctors and did numerous tests and ultrasounds and none of them could find a reason for why I was feeling the way I was as medically to them everything checked out as normal. I started doing research online and came upon some articles which indicated that anxiety can cause constant nausea and if the anxiety is not dealt with the nausea won’t go away.
For years I suffered with depression and anxiety but out of fear I never got professional help for it. Part of me felt like if I did get help I would be judged and looked upon as weak. For months after the nausea started there was no spiritual growth in me and the anxiety just would not allow me to live a life fully devoted to the Lord. There were days I would lash out at my husband and not know why his words affected me the way they did. If he did not do something he told me he would get done by a certain time I would get so aggravated. I knew there was no reason for me to be acting this way with him as he has always been a great husband to me and I knew that if left untreated either I would leave or my husband would. I started telling myself there must be a reason that I was treating him this way. There must be a reason I felt so worthless some days.
I started asking my Christian friends for recommendations for good counselors and someone that would be able to help me get out of the funk I was in and help me to deal with all these negative emotions. As simple as that may sound, actually getting to the counselor was not an easy journey as the enemy was set out to prevent me from getting help. He wanted me to stay right where I was as he knew if I stayed there eventually I would walk away from the Lord and question his love for me.
The first appointment I had to see the counselor one of my friends recommended was a failure as her phone stopped working that day and I did not know the directions to her office and as such I had to miss the appointment. She later got on to me to apologize and reschedule the appointment for another day. When the day for the next appointment reached and I called to confirm the appointment she told me she had double booked me with someone else and would again have to reschedule my appointment. When she asked me to reschedule part of me wanted to tell her how unprofessional I thought she was but I guess the Holy Spirit intervened and all I said was ok.
The appointment was set for two weeks later and I told myself that when the day reached I was not going to show for the appointment as I felt the counselor did not respect me or my time. The Lord however worked through my husband and he encouraged me to go to at least one appointment and then make a decision after that if I wanted to continue going or not. Praise God for using my husband to talk to me as I must say that I love my counselor and I believe she is indeed a God send and has helped me grow and understand so much in such a short space of time. I honestly believe I won’t even have started this blog if wasn’t for her works in my life.
So for all of you going through depression or battling anxiety, please get help before it’s too late. Talk to someone. Let them help you uncover why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Getting professional help feels like a burden has been lifted from you. The Lord would never give you more than you can handle for his word says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” The Lord is the ultimate healer and restorer. He will mend all your broken hearts. Just allow him to work through you.
Below are some books I believe can help you through this phase however the one which personally helped me along this journey was Battlefield of the mind.